Self-Respect in the Twilight of Life
"If I look away for a moment, father soils the sofa. If we put on a diaper, he tears it off; the floor is often covered in waste. I am exhausted from cleaning. If a home nurse comes, they don’t stay for more than a week," a friend shared with tears in his eyes. Another friend recounted: "I had stepped out to tie the cow after putting a diaper on my bedridden mother. When I returned, she had smeared waste all over her head and the bed with her hands. It took an entire day just to clean her."
A lady acquaintance shared, "Brother, my mother-in-law refuses to wear clothes. No matter what we put on her, she tears it off. I feel ashamed in front of relatives. I am fed up." The stories shared by friends and relatives are enough to fill a small book. You might also have many such experiences. Caring for the elderly, especially those who have lost their memory, is a very challenging task. Often, this responsibility falls on a single family member (son, daughter, or in-laws). Have we ever thought about their mental struggles?
The first thing to do is to treat those who care for the elderly with love and compassion. Offer them maximum support, affection, and financial help if needed. Do not hurt them with words, avoid criticism, and be patient with their shortcomings. These are crucial. Now, let’s get to the core: How can a person who has lost their memory live their remaining days with dignity and self-respect?
The Importance of Palliative Care
Children and loved ones should create a clear plan for 'Palliative Care' or 'Comfort Care.' What is Palliative Care? It is a method of care focused on improving the quality of life for a bedridden patient by eliminating discomfort, distress, and ensuring as little pain as possible. This care may be needed for a few days to several months. Here are things we can do as part of palliative care:
- Doctor's Service: The most essential requirement is a doctor who can visit the home. Their service may be needed at regular intervals.
- Use Common Sense over Emotion: The priority is to avoid pain for the patient. Discuss with a doctor and create a plan for medicines that help them stay pain-free and rest well. Only if you communicate your needs can the doctor prescribe the right medication. Administer these medicines punctually. For those with tubes for feeding or urination, there is a risk of them pulling them out, leading to more pain.
- Use of Restraining Straps: Medical stores provide 'restraining straps.' These allow them to move their hands adequately but prevent them from reaching the tubes. With the help of a doctor and a social worker, a systematic plan can be created to make care easier for both the patient and the caregiver.
- Understand the Patient's Needs: The presence of certain people provides comfort; give them opportunities to meet and talk. Similarly, avoid situations involving people they do not like.
- Fulfill Emotional Desires: Create opportunities for them to listen to their favorite songs or watch scenes from movies they loved.
- Respect Spiritual and Religious Rights: Do not deny their religious preferences. Even if the children are non-believers, if the parents wish to listen to devotional songs or participate in prayers, let them do so.
A Lesson in Compassion
Elderly people may show stubbornness, anger, or speak incessantly due to physical pain and the side effects of medications. This is a common sight in homes with elderly patients. Always remind your heart that your parents raised you by enduring your childhood tantrums and stubbornness. If you keep this in mind, no child will find it difficult to care for them. You will find the heart to clean them and keep them comfortable. Reading scriptures (Bible, Ramayana, Quran) according to their wish may provide solace. Give them the assurance that their last rites will be performed according to their wishes.
- Hygiene: Always dress them in clean clothes, keep the room tidy, and ensure there is no foul odor.
- Preparation for a Peaceful End: Prepare them for a peaceful and happy departure. This can include music, prayers, or specific scents they like.
Where is help available?
In Kerala, the State Government provides excellent Palliative Care services (including nurse visits) entirely free of charge.
If you have elderly people at home, try to visit Medical Colleges or General Hospitals to see those who have no one to care for them. When you see the struggles of the elderly and their bystanders there, you will realize that the elders in your own home are like God. You will understand that the 'glory' we see now is not permanent. Kerala is a model for other states in palliative care. For more information, contact your local ASHA worker or the nearest Public Health Center.
This is submitted to the social conscience with necessary suggestions from experts in this field. Please share this as much as possible
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